Tuesday, June 27, 2017

just a heads up .


Okay, so my dream for this blog was to use it for me, for a journal, for writing down my prayers & God moments . I can easily say I have failed to do so .. I have fallen into the trap of

How does my blog look
How does it compare to other blogs

What do others think about my blog – is it worth reading

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I was doing this for you ; not for me . which was NOT my dream . and I noticed how I dreaded blogging & it actually made me more stressed because I cared too much about how it looked and putting stuff in that regular bloggers would blog & not what I really wanted..


So things are about to change. Its gonna be less pretty & well um.. more me ..

I am going to stop caring about how it looks and whether or not people read it .

I want to share what God is doing in my life so I hope you will follow along – but this will NOT be your regular blog .

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What will this blog be then?

This blog will be truth. It will be vulnerability, it will be ugly, raw, and simple

But it will also be joyous and there will be stories of  overcoming & breaking through bondage. It will also be full of what God is doing in my life – we call them “God moments”
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so I hope you follow along & even join in with me, comment your stories & what God is doing in your life so we can share truth, strength and encouragement!

love you all





Thursday, March 16, 2017

Eva Elizabeth ♡


Wow. Its been a looooonnnggg time since I’ve actually had time or energy to blog. A lot has happened in the last 6 months – the most exciting news being having a new baby!



After a painful Sunday night of "sleep" I woke up around 11:30 a.m. on Monday & my contractions started around noon. I began timing them because I've had contractions on & off all weekend but the closest they would get was 8 minutes apart .. so as I counted the first few contractions I noticed they were only 5 minutes apart!! After a half hour they were still about 5 minutes apart so I called Adam & said he needed to come home since this is the real deal! I called my doctor & they told me to come in - so while waiting for Adam to come home, I took a shower & finished packing last minute things.

Finally around 3p Adam came home! (that's 2.5 hours later people! no big deal, I'm only in full blown labor!!) Thankfully around the time Adam got home, his dad showed up to pick up Adlie! (thank you Dean Gerber!!) 

We live right down the street from the hospital, so we show up around 3:30 & register. After we get up to the room, my dearest sweet friend Natalie Nickols was ever so kind enough to meet us there to help me best cope with labor. She is amazing! She was such a help to be my voice when I didn't know what to ask to make my labor as pain free as possible. Finally around 4:45 I could get my epidural. Unfortunately the doctor hit a vein the first time & had to do it again -  but yay for doing it right the second time!

Finally about 3 hours later I was able to push & after pushing TWICE sweet Eva Elizabeth Gerber joined our family on January 23, 2017 & she is such a sweet baby. 

Her middle name comes from Adam’s Grandma Ringger & my Grandma Johnloz 💜 
Maxine Elizabeth Ringger

Olive Elizabeth Johnloz

life with a newborn has been nothing short of fun & exciting - she is such a good baby & we love her so much!


and of course Adlie loves her baby sister too!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

we love being a family of four 💗 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

thanks for visiting
more fun news coming soon

xo.
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

a mother's love


Maybe its these pregnancy hormones but lately I’ve just been so overwhelmed by all the love I have for Adlie. I find myself crying because of all the love I feel for her… maybe I’m fearful? I know that I feel as if I don’t want her to grow up. I love her right now the way she is & my eyes flood with tears when I think… what if I love her less as she gets older? She is so innocent now & a lot changes when toddler grows up … she will learn to talk back.. she will be able say if she doesn’t like me..  she will make mistakes… she will get hurt .. it’s so easy to comfort her now when she’s sad , but what if it gets harder as she gets older. I continue crying thinking.. what if she takes the same path I did.. I know I started a generational sin that has opened doors to make it easier for her to continue.

I had a mother who did everything possible to help me & make me better, but I still did the things I did & I know it broke her heart. I am terrified that I will have to watch my daughter go through the same pain I did. I’m terrified she will hurt as bad as I use to. I’m terrified that she will want to walk through it alone , without me. I’m terrified I will not be able to help her.

For me, high school was a terribly painful time emotionally. Although I went to church & would have said yes I’m a Christian, I was living in darkness. For years I was a harm to myself, my friends, my enemies, & my family.  I caused a lot of people a lot of pain because of the choices I made & the hate in my heart. How do I stop Adlie from having so much pain or hatred like I had? How do I make sure to stop it before it happens?

I’m fearful that depression is genetic. I know my mom had a period of time where she struggled with depression when she was younger & knowing the years of my depression, I am terrified that Adlie will inevitably have a period of depression. I don’t want to place that on her, but it’s a legit fear. How can I ever watch the child I love so much go through such a painful time?



Thankfully, by the AMAZING GRACE OF GOD, He rescued me during my first semester of college. No I don’t have this legit story of how God came in and gave me a dream or a vision or anything most people would think is cool.. but I’m not going to say my testimony isn’t great because God’s work is always great. Slowly but surely God lifted me up out of the darkness, called my name & poured out His unending love on me. Slowly he spoke truth into all the lies I have believed for years until I couldn’t help but listen to His gentle voice & give in to His gentle tug. I am FOREVER grateful for that transition in my life, I could never imagine still living in such hate & darkness. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for His forgiveness & love!

My biggest fear for Adlie is that she will choose not to follow the Lord. I know you cannot force anyone to make that decision. I also know that if I instill in her the teachings & love of God & pray pray pray, then I’m doing the best I can. I was raised going to church on Sundays and “Awanas” on Wednesday night and yet I still chose a path of destruction. Looking back, if I were to have died during those years of darkness, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it to heaven. Not because I made mistakes but I don’t think I truly love or trusted in Jesus.  I’m scared that God will take Adlie before she’s makes a commitment to follow Him. It took me years to finally come to God, and I’m thankful He’s given me enough time & grace to make a change. What if Adlie’s not so lucky or what if she never chooses to follow Him?

This has to be the biggest fear for a Christian mother.. one, you want your kids to find the peace & joy of God. Two, you want to live in eternity with them. And three, you’d never want anyone you love to live in eternal damnation.

So now what… what do I do will all this overwhelming love & fear.

Let me say, this is not going to be easy -- I need to fight, pray, teach, & trust.

Ephesians 6:10-18 says 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.”

Those verses really sum up how to fight & pray.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

 I need to hold tight to this promise & when fears come crashing in, stop them with this truth. If I teach and train my children to love and serve God I can hold on to this promise & trust God to fulfill His word.

There are so many verses on trust, let me list a few that help me




The word of God to those who believe can be so comforting. Even though trust isn’t easy for me, I am promising myself to fight for truth & fight to trust God because I know God is good.

Okay with all this being said, my next question is .. Is this the way God feels about us. Does He love us so much it hurts? Does it sadden Him to watch us walk down the path of destruction? Does He want us to live forever with Him?  My belief is yes. 1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us” 

I believe that God created us in His image, sharing with us His love for us. I don’t think it’s possible to ever love anyone or anything more than God because God is Love. I think God only gave us a little glimpse of His love. And when we feel the strength of our own love & how it can overwhelms us, I think God loves us even more than that. Which is crazy to think about! That is a powerful love. Think of the person you love most in your life. Is it hard to believe that God loves you as much as you love that person? God could not have given us such a love if He didn’t possess it Himself.


Think about what that means, God loves you & is fighting for you. The deepest part of your heart that yearns the best for your kids, God feels that for you! How can we not trust that His ways are greater than ours when He loves us more than we love our kids.. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it but I am incredibly thankful. God is so good. Seriously, I’m in awe. 


xo .


Friday, August 5, 2016

how can i be lost when you have called me found

   if you're a lover of worship music like me ; you have heard many of the powerful songs done by Passion, Hillsong, Jesus Culture, ect. it's amazing how these crazy creative people can speak such powerful truth & even more amazing how God can use their songs & worship to speak to any of us. lately i've been worshiping our amazing God to these lovely songs

Fierce - Jesus Culture *
Great are you Lord - All Sons & Daughters *
No Longer Slaves - Bethel Music
Set a Fire - Jesus Culture
O Come to the Altar - Elevation Worship
I Surrender - Hillsong
No Other Name - Hillsong *
Break Every Chain - Jesus Culture
Salvation's Tide is Rising - Passion 
Good Good Father - Passion

if you haven't heard any of these songs i recommend you listen to them ; they are lovely! i love all of them & of course i'm probably missing a few, but the one's with an asterisk  (*) are the ones i really want to talk about. i want to share these powerful words with you & how they have affected my life.

Fierce - Jesus Culture 

this song talks about the Love of God. it compares God's love to the power of a tidal wave & hurricane. i have never experienced a real tidal wave or hurricane but i can only image the mighty power of them both. i know God's love has the power to save & change lives because he has rescued me. He is persistent through it all & has never given up on my. i love that Jesus Culture sings this truth of God's love, but my favorite part of the song is the bridge. 
 


how can i be lost when You have called me found. seriously - my heart just melts. to be reminded of God chasing me down, seeking me out, finding me, redeeming me & calling me found... claiming me as His! wow. the enemy does a good job of confusing me, sometimes i can hear him trying to tell me i am still lost, but now, through Jesus, i have the power to rebuke him because i am no longer lost - for i am found in Christ

Great are you Lord - All Sons & Daughters
i love this song, of course! this song sings about the greatness of God, as you can see by the title of the song. it reminds me of the life, love, light & hope God brings to anyone or any circumstance. He graciously restores every heart that has been broken, including mine. how great is our God, seriously!? 


every time i sing the chorus - i literately belt out the words (especially in the car, lol) with power & truth - God has done so much for me, i have so much praise to give Him. i don't sing or praise Him with any guilt. when i sing, i have a heart overflowing of gratitude to my King! there are no obligatory feeling towards God & my worship. i enjoy telling him with my heart & soul that i am so thankful for all He's done. 

"Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." -- Psalm 100:1-5

No Other Name - Hillsong
"lift up our eyes, see the King has come
light of the world reaching out for us
there is no other name
there is no other name
Jesus Christ our God

seated on high, the undefeated One
mountains bow down as we lift Him up
there is no other name
there is no other name
Jesus Christ our God" 
 

how can it be the King of the world would reach out to us, us filthy sinners. how can He still want me after all the wrong i've done. i guess that's called grace - "the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings." 
 there is so much truth in every word of this song & of course that's why i love to worship our God to it but my favorite words of the song are in the bridge. once again it speaks of the mighty power of God."


in Matthew 24:29 it says
“Immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken." 

Philippians 2:9-11 says
"therefore God exalted him to the highest place & gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

i look forward to that day