about 2.5 years ago, the song Oceans by Hillsong became very popular . i'm sure you all have heard it before, it goes a little like this
i immediately fell in love with this song & it became my prayer. a few years before this song, i went on a mission trip & felt like God has called me to do some kind of mission. not having ANY idea what God had for me, i began to fast & pray to find His calling for me. i would pray this song over & over because i wanted God to take me to a place i've never been. a place where i don't even second guess Him or myself. a place so deep where all i do is trust & lean on Him. a place where His presence will be & He wants me
at the time my husband and i were volunteering with the church's high school youth group but i just didn't feel connected. i felt like i was just drifting through life without a purpose , without meaning. after a few months , i found out i was pregnant.... oh & maybe i should mention i didn't want kids ANYTIME SOON or maybe even at all - i was pretty upset. how can i go into missions with a baby? how can i volunteer at places with a baby. i saw this pregnancy as a roadblock to my ministry, to my calling. how could being a mom be a ministry!? little did i know, God was taking me to a place where i asked Him to take me, to a place where i have no other choice but to trust Him. that's what i wanted after all, right.
it is crazy how i think i know what i want & what i need & sometimes don't even consult God when He is the one who truly knows what's best. God saved me from myself by giving me something bigger than myself. i am in complete awe of how my life has changed ever since i became a mom. the past year & a half, i have been more emotionally stable, more motivated, happier & really learned to enjoy my role as a wife & mom. i'm pretty sure my husband has even liked me more this past year & a half haha. even tho i thought motherhood is what God has for me (in this season) i still struggled that i'm doing enough, if this really is mission work itself.
about 4 or 5 months ago, my husband & i really felt a desire for change or something new. after praying about it, we both came to the conclusion that maybe it's time for another baby. honestly, i struggled a little with it. i absolutely love being a mom & wanted another baby , but i was scared that maybe motherhood isn't really a ministry at all & i'm missing out on making disciples. i continued to pray & kinda argue with God. when i first heard Him speak to me about another baby, i said "ok God if that's really you, i need a confirmation to be sure. sure enough the next day i got my SECOND confirmation that yes, God's calling for my life in this season is homemaking & motherhood. but of course i'm pretty stubborn so i said again. "ok God if it's really you again, i need one more confirmation. seriously, not even a week later God spoke to me again. wow now its real. i have NEVER had a experience where God has confirmed something so vividly 3 times !! i was in awe - i kept saying to myself... "wow, this is so cool, how is this happening to me!" i've always heard of cool stories like that where other "strong" Christians get a confirmation for the calling in their life, but never me!!

so in May we found out we're pregnant & due in January!! we're extremely excited & now when satan tries to tell me being a mother isn't enough - i actually fight back with proof from the living God that being a mother is enough & being a mother who leads her kids to Jesus isn't easy in this world. this is my calling for this season & i am completely okay with that! Trusting God isn't always easy but it is always worth it. i prayed to trust Him without hesitation & i'm still learning. i prayed He would take me deeper where my faith would be made stronger - it is. i prayed He would lead me to WHEREVER he would call me - i'm following His lead. God is so good & i am thrilled to me a mom. a stay at home mom.
thanks for listening ♥
Thanks for sharing, Carlie! I am following your blog.. trying to get the guts to start my own. You are an encouragement! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachel! Hope you start one!
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