to move or not to move .. (part two)

   so now you know how much we love our house & how we truly feel blessed by God to own such a sweet home - but you also know how small it is. a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home made up of about 1100 sq feet can seem a bit small for a family of 4 ; especially when you have to walk through one bedroom to get to the other.

    at first, we really didn't think about how having another baby might make things a little tighter. we weren't looking for a new home right away until Adam drove by a run down country home with 1.5 acres for sale. we decided to look it up online to see how much they were asking - after such a low price we decided to go see it. i really liked having the space & yard for the kids to play, but the house was pretty small & needed a lot of work. it would be nice for each kid to have their own bedroom & even a play room upstairs, but i didn't get the best feeling about the house. Adam , being a man who loves to fix everything, really started to dream about how we could make this house into a home, our home. of course i was a little excited thinking how everything would be better with more room, but in the back of my mind i really didn't think it was for us.

   looking at this house opened our minds up to the possibility of looking at other houses. because our house is made with connecting bedrooms, our fear is that a crying baby will wake up Adlie. of course it would be nice & comfortable to have the rooms separated a little bit - but God hasn't called us to be comfortable. as we continued to look at houses online that might be in our budget - i felt God slowly speak to my desirous  heart. these were things i have heard before but have eventually forgot.

    - how many people are living in poverty?

    - how many people can only afford to eat one meal a day?

    - how many people lack clean drinking water?

    - how many children are living in orphanages?

    - how many people would do anything to live the way you live?

my heart breaks when these questions come to mind. how can i be so greedy & covetous of people living in America who have nice things when there are people starving in the world living in shacks!?

when most of my American friends, maybe even most Americans, think of a nice livable home for a family of 4, we might think of a master bedroom, master bathroom, every kid has their own bedroom, there's a family bathroom, a guest room for friends or family, a big open kitchen, a fenced in back yard and definitely a designated playroom for the kids. i mean, how can our kids live without it & how will our sanity survive without it.

   what if i told you our house had none of that .. i understand most people will think i am crazy for this post. i am not afraid of what people might think, but more afraid of not listening to what God is telling me. while a house like that would be nice & i'm sure most of you live in one, this is how my heart feels towards my own family. this post does not concern others, for God may be letting them enjoy such luxury. and yes it is a luxury. you are rich. if you live in America, have a home, have clothes on your back & food to eat. you are rich. i once heard a quote that i absolutely love & will never forget.

 "none of us are rich ; but we all know someone who is"

   how true is that where our sinful hearts don't consider us to have enough & we always want more - but we know others who have it all, when in reality they consider themselves to have less , but yet they know someone who has more & has it better. yuck - like seriously, we did a good job at screwing up our hearts. 

 sometimes it's easy for us to justify our sins. for example, i tithe more than 10% so i can have "such & such" - i sponsor a child through compassion, so i can allow myself "fill in the blank" while these things are not always sin, it is a sin when God is calling you to live with less & give more to the poor & that is what He is calling me to do. over the past year or two i have really been given a heart for the poor. not the poor who could get a job but choose not to, but those who are living in mud shacks, eating one meal a day, lacking clean drinking water & can only afford to send 1 out of their 5 children to school. my heart breaks to help those living in such poverty. 

  by staying in our home, we can save an extra $500 a month that we were paying on our mortgage. of course we will move one day & need money for that but imagine the things we can do with the money we're saving from living in a small 2 bedroom house which is still a luxury to half the world. if we live with less & save, we may be able to afford to adopt from an orphanage overseas someday! if we continue to live within our means, imagine the things we can do to for the Kingdom!! 

  all that being said, i am not 100% against moving. if the good Lord were to open up a door for us to upgrade for a great price, we will greatly & prayerfully consider it. but we are more concerned with being content with what we have while giving &  helping the poor. 

this battle in my heart has made me even more grateful for our sweet little home - to have a place of shelter to sleep safely with the luxury of air condition & heat. grateful to have food on the table, clean water, old (but working) vehicles. and most of all, i am grateful that God has given me a heart full of simplicity. He has called us to live with less in this season so we can give to the poor. He has called us to save for the day when we can use the money to glorify Him & His Kingdom.

where has God called you?

♥♥♥

to move or not to move .. (part one)

   first let me start by sharing the story of how we became homeowners. it is nothing short of a miracle & once again, i love this story ♥  okay ; after writing this part of the story, i decided it was way too long for one post so i am going to be making 2 parts -- here is part one!

   when Adam & i were first engaged we talked about renting apartments or a small house because we thought it'd be cheaper. we even looked at a 2 bedroom, 1 bath tiny rental complex. to be honest, i was pretty excited, it was the exact same one my sister lived in for awhile a few years back. the rent was about $500 a month, i don't remember if we paid utilities & trash or not. 

   one day Adam came over & said he talked to his friend for awhile & his friend recommended that it might be cheaper to buy a house that has been foreclosed on. i wasn't too sure about the idea at first, i mean it would take a lot of work & money to fix up a house. we looked online for houses that were cheap but needed a lot of work. we actually fell in love with one & it was only $23,000! it was a 2 bedroom 1 bath & had a cute wood siding, a newer roof, new windows & new drywall. of course it still needed new carpet, flooring, paint ect. - but those were easy fixes!

   Adam called about the house a couple days later & found out it had multiple offers on it & one had actually been accepted! boooo!! we were pretty upset ; see we live in a small town where many make an income buying, fixing up, and selling these kind of houses. someone in this business would be silly to pass up a house like this with such easy fixes, and they beat us to it :( Adam has a friend who is a real estate agent & he told us that it's not final until the "for sale" sign is out of the yard. of course that kept our hopes up & Adam would drive by the house everyday to make sure the sign was still there. we found some other houses online that where cheap, but needed a lot more work than the cute little townley house. we even made a date with a realtor to look at 3 houses the next saturday. still kinda sad, we continued to pray for God to open doors for us & maybe even keep this house open for us!

  

   one friday night after school i went over to my dad's house to work on some homework because my mom & stepdad where gone for the night - and i didn't want to be alone on a friday - boring. to my surprise, my dad & stepmom got a call from a real estate agent to go see a house they were interested in. gee - i didn't even know they were thinking about moving. since i was there that night, they asked me if i wanted to go with them to look at this house. of course i would, i mean who'd rather stay home and work on homework? not me! 

   once we got there, i saw the real estate agent is our pastor's wife. awesome, i love her! after we look at the house for my parents, she asked me how the house search was going for Adam & i. i told her how we found the perfect house on townley street, but someone had already bought it & how we have plans tomorrow (saturday) to look at other houses we could possibly fix up. She replied with a comment that would change our lives... "yeah, i know the house you're talking about on townley, because we bought it!" (maybe i should mention that her husband, our pastor, was one of those people to buy & fix up houses to make a bigger income!) WHAT! NO WAY! assuming they would want to resell the house for a price out of our budget, i got up the nerve to tell her that we would be interested in the house if it would be around $40,000 (our max budget) she said that shouldn't be a problem and she'd talk to her husband about it!

   i couldn't believe it! i couldn't wait to tell Adam! what were the chances that i would happened to be with my dad that night, that i would have been with them to look at their house, that i would run into the person who bought our cute little dream home, and that they'd be willing to fix it up for such an amazing price! After i told Adam, he wasn't too excited. (what!? like come on, this is an amazing answer to prayer!) He wasn't thrilled because he only wanted to pay the $23,000 instead . "we coulda bought the house ourselves for cheap & fixed it up ourselves" he said to me, but i replied with "well we didn't, it's too late, and this is still an amazing deal & we should be super excited that we can get the house we want!!" we continued to pray for God's direction and Will for our next home.

  the next day was saturday & we already had plans to look at 3 other houses that were in our budget, but also needed a lot of work. i could tell none of these houses where for us. they need a CRAZY amount of work. from needing a new roof, to holes in the wall, needing new siding, new windows ect. in the back of my mind i kept thinking, i can't wait to look at the townley house, theses houses are not for us.

   later that same day, our pastor took us to look at the townley house. he kept saying "keep in mind, it needs a lot of work" - hahahaha, please, we've looked at 3 other houses today that needed a lot of work, this is nothing.. of course when we walked in, we could smell the smoke from the old homeowners, we could see the walls were stained yellow, the kitchen cabinets needed a good cleaning, the carpet needed replaced and there were some scratches on the wall. but we knew, this is the house for us! we could see the house fixed up like we wanted, we could see us living in this place. after looking at the house & talking to our pastor, we decided we really want this house! we made an agreement that he would do & pay for all the carpet and flooring, but if we wanted it for so cheap we had to paint it ourselves. a HUGE THANK YOU to adam's dad & grandpa who redid the bathroom to make it look better & his grandma who literally painted all the walls in the house. of course Adam's mom & my mom helped a bunch too. we are beyond grateful for their help to make this house a home.

   after everything was said & done we had some upgrades and our Pastor gave us a price a little higher than $40,000 but we were to exited & thankful that God allowed us to get this house, we didn't care. i am so incredibly thankful for Adam's hard work & way of saving while he was single - we were able to put HALF DOWN on our home making the payment WAY cheaper than renting!! because of Adam's hard work , we not only put half down - we continued to pay enough money each month that we payed our 15 year mortgage off in LESS THAN 3 YEARS!! wow. my hubby rocks!! we just celebrated our 3rd year of marriage this July. it was our goal to be COMPLETELY DEBT FREE by our 3rd wedding anniversary. we are so blessed! 

 no it's nothing fancy. we enjoy living with less. we love this home regardless. we are so thankful & blessed that our great God gave us such a sweet home to start a family ; now that we're expecting baby #2 should we move to a bigger home? that's part 2! stay tuned!

see you soon!

why i chose to be a stay at home mom ♥

*being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone. let's please remember that this is my journey ; my calling from God. it's also sad that i have to clarify that i have no judgement on working moms or moms who stay home. as long as you're doing what God has for you & your happy, that's all that matters. i don't think either mom loves their child more or less than the other. so with that finally out of the way, let's move on!*

  growing up in a single parent family my mom had to work. she worked a very long 40 hour week, still took us to all our games & practices, made us dinner every night, & was the best mom for us three girls. it's kinda funny cause today you'll hear her say "i spent my whole life working full time & now all my 3 daughters are staying home" she's not mad, she's not condemning us, she's happy for us. she knows that God has laid it on our hearts to stay home.

   because i grew up in a home where my mom worked her butt off, i know some of the struggles of working & raising a family. i give MAD PROPS to those moms who work & raise a family. if you're doing what God has called you do to, you go girl. i see the long hours to put in, i see how tired you are, i see how you still have a house to clean, children to take care of, a husband to feed. i see you & i'm proud of you! 
   **sidenote : if you're working but you feel God calling you to stay home, you may be frightened. you may be afraid you're husband would disapprove, your friends, your family. you may be afraid there wouldn't be enough money for you to stay home. there are many things that may be stopping you ; but God will always find a way. if it is His will, you're husband will support you. God will provide for your family but you may need to change your spending habits. you can never get this time back with your kids & there will always be more time to work in the future. i just want to encourage you to take the leap of faith if you've been feeling God calling you to stay home.
   i've heard other moms say "i couldn't stay home, i need a break from the kids" haha yes girl i feel you & i know that doesn't mean you love your kids any less. God has made us all different & i'm glad you know where you stand.


so for me - why do i stay home ?

God has laid it on my heart to be a homemaker.
   from the time i met my husband, i knew i wanted to stay home. i wanted to clean the house, do the laundry, do the dishes, meal prep. eventually have children & stay home with them. thankfully God blessed me with a man who grew up in a house where his mom stayed home so he was more than okay with my heart's desire being to stay home. i've never had a desire to work full time, my heart has never been to work outside of the home.

   because my mom was a single parent for a long time, she knows that things happen where i might have to work outside the home & most jobs require some sort of a degree. that being said,  i do have a degree in health care where i could choose to work as a phlebotomist, pharmacy tech, or in dementia care . unfortunately these jobs don't make a crazy amount of money so they would barely cover daycare costs. i wouldn't bring home enough money to make it worth it. thankfully my husband is seriously amazing & not only has a full time job, but a part time job. his part time job brings home more money than i would if i had a full time job. sure money can get a little tight , but it's more a way of spending. God has blessed us with money & a mind set of living WITHOUT DEBT!! so our budget it a little tighter than some , we do lots of garage sale shopping, and sale shopping & we're totally okay with that.
  

even tho i love staying home, i still feel inadequate. is anyone with me? i feel judged & looked down on because "i don't do anything" i also feel others making assumptions about me , that because i stay home, i look down on those who work as if they love their kids less.  i am terribly sorry if i ever come off that way, i would never look down on another mom for choosing a different path than me. how boring would it be if we were all the same - ew . i mean we're all in this together, motherhood. lets do a better job of encouraging one either because let's be honest, the enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy. to steal our joy, to kill our love for one another & destroy our self worth.

i am done letting others put me down, or make rude comments. i am no longer going to dwell on what someone else might think of me when i already have the approval of the God Most High! i am making a promise to myself that every time i feel down because of the judgment of someone else, i am going to listen to a Christian song that will encourage me with Truth, not lies that enemy might be telling me. i started this today on accident. i was feeling down because of someone's rude comments towards moms who stay at home - so i found myself sitting in my self pity until i turned on the song  "No Other Name" by Hillsong Worship. (if you've never heard it - check it out! amazing!) as i listen to the words "The earth will shake and tremble before Him. chains will break as heaven and earth sing Holy is the name Holy is the name of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus"  i forget about myself & worship the king, the only One that matters.


 one last thing - the secret reasons i like to stay home ;)
   i'm my own boss - haha, that means i get to sleep in, where pajamas all day, eat whatever i want, go out, stay in, i get to decide what we do all day, i get to take naps, i get to sew, i get to blog, i mean i truly love my daughter & getting to spend all day with her, but heck the perks are amazing!! (i should probably mention that i only have one kid, who likes to sleep, so that might be why i get these perks, maybe the more kids i have, the less i find it perkier lol.)


much love to all of you mommas out there ♥ do what is best for you & your family & don't let anyone else put you down.

xoxo. 
 

how i found my blog name

 i am in love with this story ♥ before i started a blogged i freaked out over what would be my blog name. i am very indecisive & like i said earlier, i really lack creativity lol. i love this story because i know God was in the mix & has been throughout the past few years. so here we go

about 2.5 years ago, the song Oceans by Hillsong became very popular . i'm sure you all have heard it before, it goes a little like this

    

 i immediately fell in love with this song & it became my prayer. a few years before this song, i went on a mission trip & felt like God has called me to do some kind of mission. not having ANY idea what God had for me, i began to fast & pray to find His calling for me. i would pray this song over & over because i wanted God to take me to a place i've never been. a place where i don't even second guess Him or myself. a place so deep where all i do is trust & lean on Him. a place where His presence will be & He wants me

    at the time my husband and i were volunteering with the church's high school youth group but i just didn't feel connected. i felt like i was just drifting through life without a purpose , without meaning. after a few months , i found out i was pregnant.... oh & maybe i should mention i didn't want kids ANYTIME SOON or maybe even at all - i was pretty upset. how can i go into missions with a baby? how can i volunteer at places with a baby. i saw this pregnancy as a roadblock to my ministry, to my calling. how could being a mom be a ministry!? little did i know, God was taking me to a place where i asked Him to take me, to a place where i have no other choice but to trust Him. that's what i wanted after all, right.

   it is crazy how i think i know what i want & what i need & sometimes don't even consult God when He is the one who truly knows what's best. God saved me from myself by giving me something bigger than myself. i am in complete awe of how my life has changed ever since i became a mom. the past year & a half, i have been more emotionally stable, more motivated, happier & really learned to enjoy my role as a wife & mom. i'm pretty sure my husband has even liked me more this past year & a half haha. even tho i thought motherhood is what God has for me (in this season) i still struggled that i'm doing enough, if this really is mission work itself.

   about 4 or 5 months ago, my husband & i really felt a desire for change or something new. after praying about it, we both came to the conclusion that maybe it's time for another baby. honestly, i struggled a little with it. i absolutely love being a mom & wanted another baby , but i was scared that maybe motherhood isn't really a ministry at all & i'm missing out on making disciples. i continued to pray & kinda argue with God. when i first heard Him speak to me about another baby, i said "ok God if that's really you, i need a confirmation to be sure. sure enough the next day i got my SECOND confirmation that yes, God's calling for my life in this season is homemaking & motherhood. but of course i'm pretty stubborn so i said again. "ok God if it's really you again, i need one more confirmation. seriously, not even a week later God spoke to me again. wow now its real. i have NEVER had a experience where God has confirmed something so vividly 3 times !! i was in awe - i kept saying to myself... "wow, this is so cool, how is this happening to me!" i've always heard of cool stories like that where other "strong" Christians get a confirmation for the calling in their life, but never me!!

   even tho i was extremely excited that i know i am doing God's will, satan began to creep in and brought  up all my negative thoughts about how motherhood inst a ministry. i mean everybody's doing it, what makes you so special. so with that in mind, i brought it up to the girls in my bible study since some of them are also moms. they began to confirm that God has spoken this on my life & if i want God's calling, then this is it. motherhood. they began to pray over me, it was extremely moving. the first friend began to pray for comfort in His plan, the next friend began to pray for my anxiety & the third friend started praying & said.... "what keeps coming to mind is , Mom Without Borders" God is creating you to be a mom without borders.... yup- i began to cry. only God knows that my prayer to was to be lead to a place where my trust is without borders. how could this not be from God. 

   so in May we found out we're pregnant & due in January!! we're extremely excited & now when satan tries to tell me being a mother isn't enough - i actually fight back with proof from the living God that being a mother is enough & being a mother who leads her kids to Jesus isn't easy in this world. this is my calling for this season & i am completely okay with that! Trusting God isn't always easy but it is always worth it. i prayed to trust Him without hesitation & i'm still learning. i prayed He would take me deeper where my faith would be made stronger - it is.  i prayed He would lead me to WHEREVER he would call me - i'm following His lead. God is so good & i am thrilled to me a mom. a stay at home mom. 

thanks for listening ♥

let me introduce myself .

    well, apparently i'm new to this whole blogging thing so i just want you to get to know me a little & share why i'm starting to blog. the "about me" section to the right of the page is a good place to start so i'll just repeat my self a little . i'm a follower of Jesus, i have been given the most amazing husband and daughter with another little one on the way. my husband & i  met at church through a mutual friend & haven't looked back since. now that we're married, we really like to help & volunteer at the same church we've always loved. we have really grown to love volunteering with the high school youth - but that is a whole other blog itself . on sundays we spend most of our mornings helping in kidstown, handing out bulletins or teaching financial peace ( < thats more my husbands thing, than mine, lol). i do like to sew and create even tho i'm still learning & have no creative bone in my body.
    out of almost 25 years of life, half of them have been pretty rough. i have a pretty dark past, which i am very open about. it is because of God's redeeming grace that i am who i am today. my heart is to help those who have dealt with similar things or who might be facing them today. i have a long way to go in my walk with God, but i am thankful that i started this walk years ago. it has given me a chance to turn away from my sin & make a lot of changes in my life. praise God. i'm still an emotional being & enjoy being completely vulnerable whether i'm happy or sad. if you ever come back to read more, you will definitely see me ; the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the crazy, the not so crazy, the dark, the ugly, the beautiful, the love, the fun .. ok ok you know what i'm saying.
   a couple last few things ; as i'm sure you can see by now, i'm weird & don't like using capital letters for much. also, my grammer, vocabulary & spelling aren't the best (thank you auto-correct) so please just ignore my mistakes & bare with me. and for future reference, my brain works better with lists instead of paragraphs so my writing may look more like that.

now the reason i'm starting to blog - i am doing this for me. i'm going to try to make it my "journal" . it's a lot easier for me to type than it is for me to write down what's going on. i love to be able to look back & see what's been happening the past few weeks or months that i would normally forget. i ask God a lot for confirmation if i think He may be speaking something to me & it really helps to be able to look back and say wow. 8 days ago God told me this & i asked for another sign & here it is. so that being said i won't beg people to come and read my blog - but i do hope & pray that if someone does run across it & may be struggling with similar things, that they can find hope & peace & know that they are not alone. i would love for my journey to help another person, even if it's just one person. that is my heart & that is my hope. i also hope that i make time to blog a lot, i think it will be good for me to get some of my heart out in the open. so far, i'm really enjoying this. thanks for taking the time to read, i hope you'll be back!


xo